Uncle Wizard swept the broom back and forth across the wooden floor. The Great Hall of Wizard HQ was littered with the leftovers from the Wizard Award celebrations; cups, plates, streamers, ribbons.
‘It’s not fair,’ he moaned. ‘Why do I have to clear all this up?’
Bob the Pigeon looked up from the pie he was eating and shrugged.
‘I can’t remember. Is it punishment for your mutant-turnip spell, or for turning Admiral Wizard’s chamber into rice pudding?’
Uncle Wizard bristled.
Well, you could offer to help…’
Bob shook his head.
‘Not until I’ve finished this pie. This here is a Loop-Mungus Mega Pie! It’s made from a secret recipe known only to lollipop ladies! And then I’ve got my Babbling Woo-Hah Pie, and then the Unnamed Pie of Zog…I could be some time!’
Uncle Wizard sighed, and pushed the broom underneath a table.
'Hang on! What’s this?’
The broom clattered against a plastic box.
‘Crikes!’ gasped Uncle Wizard. ‘It’s a box of doom lemons! A Great Wizard must have dropped them during the party! These are potent things, incredibly powerful. Only the most experienced wizards are allowed to use them.’
Bob looked up anxiously.
‘And you’re going to return them, aren’t you? Straight away!’
Uncle Wizard nodded.
‘Of course, of course, these could do real damage in the wrong hands…although, I’m sure just a little spell wouldn’t hurt…’
Bob looked aghast, but Uncle Wizard had already fished his spell book out of his magic cloak and was flicking through the pages.
‘Where is it? Where is it? Aah hah! Here it is. Page 403. The Flying-Carpet Thunderiser Spell! I’ve always wanted to try this spell. And now I’ve got the doom lemons to do it!’
The doom lemons tossed and turned inside the clear plastic box. Lightning crashed within. A thunderstorm raged. Uncle Wizard carefully opened the lid, plucked one out, and dropped it into his magic hat. He quickly added a tub of deep-fried wibbles, two turgid bongo-flops, and a dollop of double wangled boom-powder. Uncle Wizard marvelled at the spell and then started to reach for a second doom lemon.
‘No!’ cried Bob. ‘Surely one is enough!’
But it was too late. In went the second doom lemon, followed by three bottles of whiz-bang powder!’
The explosion was catastrophic.
The Great Hall blazed with fire. The walls shuddered. A tornado of cascading colour blew through the room. Sparks erupted. The air churned. There was a terrible high-pitched whistle and a thundering blast of sizzling white magic.
‘Aah,’ said Uncle Wizard.
‘Oh dear,’ said Bob the Pigeon.
The spell had been a disaster. Instead of a turbo-charged flying carpet, a bathtub had appeared in the middle of the Great Hall. The bathtub was filled with rancid baked beans, rotten turnips, a two-tonne mega donkey, and a furious looking Admiral Wizard.
‘What is the meaning of this!’ roared Admiral Wizard.
Uncle Wizard gulped. Then he noticed the rather large slimy green tentacle emerging from the bathtub and wrapping itself around Admiral Wizard’s leg.
Copyright Richard Anderson 2016